Friedman describes effective learning with factors such as staying free of anxiety in front of others anxious to position himself in an intense emotional system and being clear about his own personal values and goals. Since it is essential that a leader takes full responsibility for his own emotional self and his destiny instead of blaming others or the context, this means that leaders cannot identify too much with the groups they lead, or they will not have the necessary perspective to make difficult decisions; they need to be in touch with the ideas and emotions of others, but not dominated by them in other words, the self-differentiated leader equivalent to having an emotional immune system of the organization. An emotional triangle is formed from people's discomfort when some are self-preservative and resist all attempts to change them. Some more intertwine and reinforce other emotional triangles making it difficult for people to alter their patterns of thought and behavior. "They transmit the stress of a system to its members more responsible or more focused" is there when the leader must be immune.
As leaders learn to recognize and analyze triangles, they will better understand the connections between people and problems and the precise structure of difficulties and be better equipped to overcome them. Friedman gives dozens of examples of possible emotional triangles within the family, relatives, friends to finally express that those emotional triangles can also exist in the workplace and any other relational context. Friedman tells us about this type of emotional conversation, where words are often said without thinking where anxiety levels increase, which, if not handled correctly, can cause leadership skills to decrease. Finally, Friedman lists strategies that can help you become a differentiated leader rather than one who allows anxiety to take over.
Get unstuck. Realizing that you can even disagree with others and have the correct answers, it does not matter if you agree or not. It would help if you adopted a defined position that reduces anxiety levels. (Bardwell, 2010) stay connected in a meaningful way with others. Being willing to change is the first step.
Start with the heart. Be clear about where the heart is focused. "If you can't get it right, you will have a challenging time getting the dialogue right" (Patterson et al., 2002, p. 27-28). This step involves looking at yourself and your reasons for wanting to make a change within the organization. Making sure the heart is in the right place and staying focused on the right motivation is key to keeping anxiety at bay and leading a team to success.
Learn to look. Another exciting way that Friedman raises refers to being trapped in himself that he only sees his point of view, regardless of that of others or how he makes them feel. Therefore, it is essential to learn to observe the moments and the development of the conversation to understand the signals that others can give and thus give them security when they see how the leader can handle their own stress. "Like the emotional immune system of an organization" (Bardwell, 2010), resisting the drama and allowing others to take responsibility, as well as taking responsibility for my own words and actions.
Make it safe. To keep crucial conversations safe and healthy, do not play games like sarcasm or personal attacks. Leaders who can do this know that "dialogue is the free flow of meaning, no pretense, sugarcoat, or pretense" (Patterson et al., 2002, p. 68). Mutual purpose and respect are crucial to reducing anxiety and creating security in essential conversations. Using the acronym CRIB (Commit to Seeking Mutual Purpose, Recognizing Purpose Behind Strategy, Inventing Mutual Purpose, and Brainstorming New Strategies is one way to avoid falling into unsafe conversations.
Master my stories "Once he has created his emotions, he can act on them or be acted upon by them ... he can dominate them or be hostage to them" (Patterson et al., 2002, p. 95). It is necessary to accept that sometimes you can get stuck in a cycle by acting, seeing, and feeling, leading to a breakdown in communication. To unblock, it is necessary to be between seeing and feeling to give meaning to the action that has been witnessed or heard. Being in that story helps to understand the role, better understand the situation, and understand where the person comes from to control the emotional response. This is an essential step in becoming a differentiated leader because it allows me to stay away from emotion and focus on the goal.
STATE my path. This strategy will help avoid getting caught in an emotional triangle entangled in drama as a differentiated leader. Developing the path before the conversation will help you know the truth and stay on the path, ensuring that your point of view is heard and that you also listen to others.
Share your facts: start with the least controversial to tell the story; you also need to explain it to understand it fully. It is vital to listen to others and allow them to share their stories. Encourage Evidence: Make It Safe For Everyone's Opinions (Patterson et al., 2002, p. 124, 140)
Explore other paths. Being part of a crucial conversation requires honesty in giving your point of view and seeing with equal sincerity the point of view of others in the conversation.
If not, the others will feel insincerity and will shut up, causing the end of the conversation. To achieve sincerity in these conversations, it is essential to build a leadership style that allows you to agree with others and make that contribution be for the benefit of your well-being, regardless of whether that contribution is large or small, making the other person feel valued and is part of the team. Comparing does not want to show that others are wrong but that you can get the best out of each contribution. To ensure that everyone contributes and feels part of the team.
Move to action. To take action, a leader must "decide how to decide" (Patterson et al., 2002, p. 178). By remembering all the strategies, it is possible to take action by paying attention and following up on each decision, remembering that all the plans are essential for developing crucial conversations. Nelly Roldan
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